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My name is Ryan. I am 20 and a new Christian, formerly agnoistic and disinterested in the Holy word. I never felt such a power and hope and happiness as on the day I felt salvation, and KNEW the truth. I play piano at my Baptist church. SInce that day though I am getting so sick from being tormented by these voices. In my newness, after I was saved, this voice claiming to be "God" reminded me of all my sins and told me I was doomed to hell. It tested my faith saying "do you love our God? I AM LORD. FLY WITH GOD..." while I drive, making me speed. It twists my thoughts and every scripture I read for comfort to negate me. I have such guilt over my sins even though I know God forgives me and wants me to start anew.
Most recently this voice, before God reminded me it was NOT him, scared me into dropping on my knees in the middle of the street at 2am begging for forgiveness outloud, proving my "love for the Lord through sacrifice and humiliation just like was done to Christ". It god louder and louder the faster I ran home shouting "I am an ANGRY GOD. I GAVE MY ONLY SON. HIS FLESH WAS TORN, HE SHED HIS BLOOD FOR YOU, NOW YOU MUST SUFFER TO PROVE TRUE LOVE FOR CHRIST" and I was tricked into thinking my God hated me and I was doomed. I know different but am now a nervous sleepless depressed wreck and can barely fucntion. My trust is broken and I feel guilty for not being able to fully trust God enough to feel OK.

This voice becomes more upsetting the more I pray and call Jesus and think the name of God even. It said Im a martyr and should perish as a pig since I am doomed to burn anyway. It tells me I am dirty and perverse and banned from heaven. It mixes up my thoughts and I zone out. My lights flicker in my silent old apartment. (I had to move to a bad part of town). It comes whenever I pray, or call upon God, or talk to God, or read the bible. It gets to a point where my skin gets pale and dark circles form under my eyes. My skin dents in my hand and the dent shoots up my arm. It YELLS at me, and I havent slept and feel so sick and worn and depressed. I was about to kill myself a few days ago. I dont understand where these strange words are comeing from or WHY ME?? It told me to "preach the word" and say these untrue things abouit the Lord to my mother, it tricked me and God let me know this, but my pastor says its a spiritual warfare. It told me I was meant to be alone and misunderstood forever and to not speak to people "or else". Its a stuttering, stupidl evil voice. I pray and pray and beg Jesus to just take it away but I am so scared and nervous and obsess over my sins now and it is 3am and I just cannot be in that place Im living in now.

Please can you help me? Anyone? I have my Bible, and am trying so hard to trust God to take it but I freak out before he does. I need sleep so bad. I need to strengthen my faith quick. God showed me the truth and I KNOW, but I am being tortured and Im embarassed and feel crazy and confused. My email address is rjcon988@hotmail.com I dont care who sees it i need help or medication or something PLEASE.