I struggled since childhood with night terrors, about death as an eternal void. My csreer as aging scientist helped me to crack that open, then gain insight through meditation practice.
Fear is not helpful. It is the worst motivation for life extension. Joyful living is the best. Fear is just a chenical programmed by evolution to get us through crises. No use in the long haul.
3 weeks ago, I was riding my bicycle, not paying good attention. A truck going the opposite way pulled into my lane to pass. I struck it head-on, and flew over the truck.
Moments later, I was lying on the ground, bleeding internally and externally many places. I was perhaps 1 hour away from bleeding to death. There was no fear. I had a premonition I would not die, but would endure a long and painful recovery. I think I am done with fear of death.
I have had 5 hi tech surgeries those first 2 weeks. Expert surgeons who also gained my trust as humans.
My vital systems were unharmed: heart, lungs, liver, digestion, spine, CNS, brain. All intact. My legs were shredded, also bad pelvic fracture. This is precisely where Western medicine shines.
They are talking about full recovery. I am surrounded by loving friends and family.
Discussion
103 reader comments
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Hoping you continue to do well after 1 year. Best wishes.
just reading this now. holy cow. but full recovery! heal well.
I have been enjoying your posts for years and also loved your book. Your writing has changed my healthy ageing pathway.I am so sorry to hear that you were in such a terrible accident. Such a shock to the body! I remember telling you about a book (Staring at the Sun) by renounced psychiatrist, Irving Yalom that I read a few years ago about overcoming the fear of death. Yalom maintains that only when we live in the clear knowledge of our own mortality, that it is possible to truly embrace life and live it to the fullest. He says that sometimes a brush with death, or the demise of a friend, can be the window to start a more joyful, less fearful life.
On another note, I fell heavily when racing downhill on concrete to rescue a bird, and very badly fractured all fingers in my left hand. I had a great medical team and despite the hand physio saying that I would always have restricted movement and pain during winter, neither have eventuated and both hands function exactly the same with no pain in either. I was very conscientious during my exercise regime, but something else that helped me were regular Thai massages. We were holidaying in Thailand after the splint was removed, I had a hand massage every few days. When I returned to Australia, the physio said that most 20 year olds would not have had so much movement afterwards, and I was 70 at the time.
Anyway, get well, my trusted adviser and virtual friend
Update:
I am done with all the major surgeries weeks ago, and now I'm in a waiting period until my bones are re-grown in my legs and they allow me to begin rehab. I'm hoping to be in my home during this in-between month, with lots of nursing support and a PCA to bring me food, etc.
Everything looks good, with the exception of a fear of infection in the area of my left leg that was reconstructed, with a muscle graft to cover a titanium rod. So I'm on IV antibiotics for a few days while they ease their minds that I am no longer an infection risk.
My care has been superb, and my spirit strong. I am learning to trust my caregivers and to trust the universe to provide me the most powerful lessons I'm capable of absorbing.
-Josh
Josh, I have been enjoying your posts for years and also loved your book. Your writing has changed my healthy ageing pathway.I am so sorry to hear that you were in such a terrible accident. Such a shock to the body! I remember telling you about a book (Staring at the Sun) by renounced psychiatrist, Irving Yalom that I read a few years ago about overcoming the fear of death. Yalom maintains that only when we live in the clear knowledge of our own mortality, that it is possible to truly embrace life and live it to the fullest. He says that sometimes a brush with death, or the demise of a friend, can be the window to start a more joyful, less fearful life.
On another note, I fell heavily when racing downhill on concrete to rescue a bird, and very badly fractured all fingers in my left hand. I had a great medical team and despite the hand physio saying that I would always have restricted movement and pain during winter, neither have eventuated and both hands function exactly the same with no pain in either. I was very conscientious during my exercise regime, but something else that helped me were regular Thai massages. We were holidaying in Thailand after the splint was removed, I had a hand massage every few days. When I returned to Australia, the physio said that most 20 year olds would not have had so much movement afterwards, and I was 70 at the time.
Anyway, get well, my trusted adviser and friend.
Thanks for your story and your caring, Sue. I feel that my healing has become a community project, with support from readers around the world. Yes, doctors are not very good at predicting outcomes, and perhaps part of that is that so much depends on each of us, the individual patients. I'm in this for full recovery.
-Josh
Hope you gain full recovery, Josh.
I was worried about something of the sort after your last post, though not a physical accident, but an intellectual one.
I thought, despite your optimism in your last post, the article about inevitability of aging had disturbed you to a greater extent than you let on.
I checked your blog everyday for a new post (by refreshing blog's home page, which is always an open tab in my browser), and though you had posted it on 10th of August, I saw it just today (seems like cookies doing their magic), I'm relieved that you're OK both physically and intellectually.
Take care, dear friend.
Stay strong mate. I too have woken up from a bicycle ride inside a CT scanner--it's scary, sad, and frustrating. I wish you the best possible recovery.
From a big fan who has previously only posted one comment: terribly sorry to hear, glad a full recovery is expected, hope it is very speedy!!
I just learned today about your tragic accident. I lost the fear of death a long time ago while living in the wilderness, when I developed an overwhelming sense of adventure and will to survive.
Wishing you that strength for a speedy and full recovery!
Sorry to hear about your accident Josh. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
..and remember, if you're going through hell, keep going (Winston Churchill)
Get well soon!
Hi Josh,
I'm happy to hear you are on your way to recovery!
If you recover fully that's a proof that rejuvenation treatments that you take work !