It’s no shock that the portrayal of women in magazines makes women feel like dirt. But did you know images of hot chicks make men feel worse, too? Everyone knows that the way women are portrayed in our culture – sexy, skinny, tall – makes the average woman feel a bit like the gum I had to peel off my shoe this morning. When we look at magazine ads or watch TV shows, we women feel inadequate – and it’s no wonder, when the average woman model weighs up to 25% less than the typical woman and maintains a weight at about 15 to 20% below what is considered healthy for her age and height. But the 40,000 or so ads the average American is exposed to a year aren’t just affecting the girls. A new study coming out of the University of Missouri found that men react negatively to unrealistic ads, too. What’s interesting is it wasn’t images of hot men that got the guys feeling self conscious – it was images of hot women.
The research began by trying to see if men were as negatively affected by men’s magazines as women are by Cosmo and the like. Men that were given men’s magazines like Maxim had lower self image, which got the researchers to question exactly what about the magazines cause the drop in self esteem. So they showed men just the pictures of objectified women, men, and the articles and again checked their esteem levels. They found that, surprisingly, it wasn’t the images of idealized men that made the guys feel inadequate – it was the women. Even more surprising was that the male fashion group reported the least amount of body self-consciousness among the three groups – the guys couldn’t care less what the other men looked like.
If you’ve ever been in high school, it’s obvious why seeing a hot woman would make a less than ideal looking guy feel bad. I mean, what guy hasn’t choked when trying to talk to the head cheerleader? Attractive women are intimidating, and the mere sight of one is enough to cause any average joe to give themselves a quick once-over.
The theory is that a beautiful women makes a man self conscious because the he’s reminded that he’s not in her league – that is, they take one look at a hot girl and quickly realize there’s no way they’re good-looking enough to bang her. Since women have the larger investment in offspring, they tend to be considered the ‘picky’ ones, evolutionarily speaking. The men and their billions of sperm have to compete with other guys to convince a girl that they’ve got the genes to be worth it.
To test this theory, the researchers performed one more experiment. They broke the men into two groups – one received magazine layouts of sexually idealized females and the other received the same layouts with average-looking ‘boyfriends’ added to the photos, with captions about how the female models are attracted to the average-looking men. The men who looked at just the model were more self-conscious, presumably because when the other men saw the bombshells liked ‘normal guys,’ they no longer felt she was out of reach.
Personally, I’d like to see if images of hot men have the same effect on women. Despite the evolutionary argument, I think that women would have the same reaction to male models as men do to female ones. After all, you don’t hear a girl say “oh crap! I gotta go fix my hair!” when this guy walks in the room:
I want you. I need you. Oh baby – oh baby. Read more of my stuff over at Observations of a Nerd
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Gotta wonder why so many women go through the pain, expense, high-maintenance commitment and risk of getting breast implants. Even women who are perfectly normal in shape and proportion already. I wonder how many men would risk losing sensation in their penis in order to make it bigger.
There are a lot of women that are happy with themselves even when guys say otherwise. So I feel it doesn’t psychologically, on the other hand they could be just hiding it because they tend to give that girl trouble. By the way I tend to like girl that actually listen to my research cause I find it unfair that I listen to them and they ignore me when I talk about my research. I’m your average lookin guy by the way. But the look thing is true cause those girls big butts be like budaaddata shibidaboom. And I turn 18 last july. My bad. A brother just like a big butt na mean, no matter how much he is into mechanics, medicinal research, and computer programming.
“skinniness isn’t usually considered ‘the’ most attractive part of a woman.”
Oh yeah? What planet are you on?
I don’t know, I meant what if you are Jordan. Seeing yourself on a mag might make you happy :) Jane
I don’t think that is what the person you’re replying to was trying to say. I think they were trying to say that guys may get tired of a brainless bimbo, and go looking for a woman who has some brains and personality as well. Not to say that this is the majority pattern.
Re. your first paragraph; it has been observed in looking at history that more attractive people tend to marry more attractive people, all the more so if you account for changes in the ideals of beauty. So you’re right, if excessively rhetorical in your language.
Re, your second; although it is true that (most of the time) nobody can make you feel depressed if you are determined to be happy, it is nevertheless common to be unhappy because someone else has something you want. In most cases, it is a sign of what I would characterize as shallow self-awareness. It is very common. In some circumstances, on the other hand, it may even be logical; for instance, beauty is generally speaking a sign of health, and a healthy mate is a very good thing to have.
Note, however, that I am NOT saying that one should blame their depression, low self-esteem, etc. on someone else. To do so is to make it more difficult to overcome your personal problems. I have dealt with clinical depression. I know what I’m saying.
Re. your third; if you’re right (and I’ll assume you are), good for you. And for him.
Why does everyone talk about weight when discussing this subject? There are many more things that make people feel physically inadequate other than weight. My butt and legs are terribly scarred from acne but I am an attractive girl. I never wear bathing suits and never go after the guy I really want for fear of rejection and/or pity. Can’t workout… can’t take a pill… can’t have surgery… just gotta deal. How do you deal with this??? How can you feel confident when you feel like a freak show??? Any suggestions???
word up…i dont think many people realize that this beauty thing they keep chasing is only temporary. As soon as you think you’ve found the finest thing around, someone finer will come along and make you rethink your whole situation. Beauty can be easily compromised. When the poop hits the fan, a person wants to know if their partner will ride storms out with them or if they’ll bail. A person wants to know that if they become less glamorous, their partner will love them and not leave them for the next peice of eye candy. People who place SOOO MUCH value on having a trophy wife/husband, usually are very clueless and havent been through enough to know whats important because they think that when bills need to be paid and children need to be fed, that good looks are going to help. They wont (not unless she sells herself somehow.)
I have always been told that I’m attractive and many men would like to be with me, and its nice to feel good when I’m in public, but after having grown up, I will not accept anyone who JUST looks good. I need to know that that person has substance and a kind soul and a brave heart and a LOT of other good things too.
Interestingly enough, there isnt much room for compromise about the KIND of person i want to spend forever with, but the physical requirements arent nearly as set in stone. I prefer someone my height, but i have dated a little shorter. I’m usually more attracted to men with my caramel complexion, but the man i’m engaged to is very fair skinned. I fell in love with him when he was skinny with short hair, and now he’s about 70 pounds heavier with lots of muscle and braids that reach the middle of his back, which i also love. He can change his appearance weekly if he wants, as long as he doesnt stop making me feel the way he makes me feel. A lot of people girls stare at us when we’re out together, and to be honest it gets on both our nerves a little. I don’t wish he were less attractive, but it would be nicer if SO MANY women didnt have to fall all over themselves.. .all the time. And our intentions arent to get those kinds of reactions out of people. I feel good walking with him not because of how he looks, its the way he holds my hand like the wind is going to blow me away. And feeling like its ok to let my guard down and love him 150% because I trust in him. Those things are priceless, and they wont change with time and they wont change when someone more attractive tries to get at me. I’m still going to feel that way when he’s old and gray and wrinkly and his pipi stops working.
Now on the other hand, if God forbid our relationship didnt work out, I would look for someone with still many of his same personality traits, because they are more important than what, exactly, he looks like.
“If a beautiful woman just shows common courtesy to a man, he often takes it as a sign that she wants him.”
It’s true unfortunately. Over time I had to cut any type of social interactions with less than handsome men because they would automatically take simple polite conversations as interest.
People who think they are inferior to someone else actually ARE inferior, precisely because they think are, ironically enough. Many people don’t have time for people with major insecurities and if you see yourself as less well guess what? Others will be happy to enthusiastically agree with you. It’s basic social interactions. I guess the low self esteem inferiority complexes ridden guy could probably get the really low self esteem girl and this is how they probably mate but not much beyond that.
You are responsable for your own self esteem people.
To the author of the original post that was an interesting read!
I have to disagree with the title though, people are responsable for their own self esteem and it’s extremely silly to think that some model somewhere who never had any interaction with can be responsable for your insecurities. As you think so you shall be. I agree with the rest though completely! I think guys do indeed feels more and more the weight of not “measuring up” (if they are insecure). I think it’s unfortunate in a way that we choose in part based on physical attraction, I know there are a lot of shorter or physically not attractive (or in the parlance of science: sub optional reproductive specimens) but they are kind hearted and decent human beings.
Lots of men have lots of expection in part due to the media, in what they expect from a women.Some of them probably feel as if they are not quite up to snuff genetically speaking for the women they secretly wished they have. . Ignoring women on their “level” is not smart though and only cause these dejected men feel more miserable. People do indeed match based on their “level” so to speak of physical desirability it’s evolution. Personally I must admit reluctantly I’ve always been with objectively extremely good looking men, some who even model (not the androgynous effeminate kind though but the type who have classical “rugged” handsome look…hot!)
Julie,5’8″ Montreal
“Plus, we know the only reason you act so nice is because you know you have no other way of making us interested in you. And the reason you act so mean is because you’re trying to hide that you want us and/or you think you can make us underestimate our own worth.”
Omg so true! And the saddest thing is they think they are somewhat sutble when they’re pulling the “he’s not interested because he’s unattractive” charcade.Lol I always laugh when I see it. Don’t ever let such sad excuses of people try to get you down girl. WE choose who we want.
“GET realistic. Assess yourself realistically. Look for someone in your league, or go home. Some of us hot girls would like to enjoy our lives with you average boys and your pathetic attempts to force yourself on people that aren’t interested. We are not pieces of meat for you to bang. We are people with brains and hearts and our OWN CHOICES.”
+1 and qft x10 well said and 100% true :)
Helene
Yes, girls do get to choose whom they want. She will drop hints, smile, etc and if the good-looking guy is too dumb to realise what he is being offered, she will move on thinking he is a dufus, anyway and she’ll lose interest. Sometimes though, she will be so attracted to a guy that she will throw herself at him and he will never respond positively as he will enjoy the attention she showers him with, enjoy her stroking his ego and eventually, he will never want the relationship to progress any further.
The guy will want a girl but he will be so afraid of rejection that he won’t tell her how he feels and life will pass him by. Sometimes, he feels confident in his own skin and throws himself at a girl. She will like him but will mistrust him and think that he flirts this way with everyone and the relationship will never progress as she will never take him serious.
A guy has just got to learn to read the subtle signals and he will get his girl.
Really a guy just does not want a girl to throw herself at him; likewise with a girl’s choice.
I could go on talking about different scenarios but hey, what do I know, anyway?
“Why *shouldn’t* the beautiful women deserve something like herself?”
Also keep in mind that beautiful women don’t want to be on some pedestral, like the average or less desirable guy is likely to put her on it since he wouldn’t believe his luck (not saying average guys are with beautiful women, just in hypothetic scenario) whereas the handsome good looking guy is more likely to just see her as a person and not some imaginary godess. Good looking people are used to beauty and being attractive so they are less intimidated by it and can develop healthier relationships with other desirable people like themselves. Part of a healthy relationship is equality.
Helene
“At least I’m not – or I wouldn’t date a teacher”
Would you date a sales clerk or unemployed man with no prospects of moving up because he is viewed as a dirty ignorant minority? Doubt it…
I am a woman and I think you have a very weird view of us! From what you say it sounds like every woman you have been with acts as though she’s doing you a favour. Well realise this: she’s not. You sound like a nice decent guy and it sounds as though you try very hard to make your woman happy. So why do you go for ones that don’t appreciate you? Women want and need men as much as men want and need women. If the sort of women you’ve been with would dump you in a second for a better offer they must be judging people on the wrong things. Where does love come into this? Find a woman that appreciates you like you appreciate her and I hope you will be very happy
And in the next couple of decades gravity will take its effect on you, he’ll realize he has spent enough money and effort on someone he is no longer attracted to and you will spend every single waking moment trying to keep yourself outwardly beautiful for a guy who only wanted your body. Meanwhile the average guy will be debt free, happily married to the RIGHT woman for him, and retired comfortably without the hassles of providing botox and xanex for his cougar wife.
I think you are right, your outside mirrors your inside, therefore, if you pretend to be a bitch on the outside, you are actually kinda and friendly on the inside.
-Jin
I’m a very ordinary-looking guy who has been with ordinary-looking women and with very beautiful women. I have never found that a woman’s beauty makes any kind of difference to my chances with her. She either likes you or she doesn’t; and you’ll never understand why, no matter how hard you try. Another point is that even ordinary-looking women expect perfection in their men. No matter who you are, guys, the woman you’re with is settling for you. If she can find someone better, you’re toast unless you can and are inclined to vastly raise your bid. Deal with it. Flatter her, make her feel like a goddess, like she’s the only woman in the world, and even then you have a fifty-fifty shot at best. Have the best time you can within those constraints, and good luck.