We all know that comforting feeling when someone we love wraps their arms around us. A hug can lower stress, trigger oxytocin release, and make the world feel a little less overwhelming. But what if that embrace isn’t what it seems? New research from Binghamton University suggests that some people use touch as a tool for manipulation, and the implications are unsettling.
Richard Mattson, a psychology professor at Binghamton University, led a team that surveyed over 500 college students about their attitudes toward physical affection in romantic relationships. The findings, published in Current Psychology, reveal a troubling pattern: individuals with “dark triad” personality traits, narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, are significantly more likely to use touch as a means of control rather than connection.
Touch as a Weapon, Not a Comfort
Most relationship research celebrates touch as a bonding mechanism. Studies show it can strengthen partnerships, improve mental health, and create feelings of security. Mattson’s team took a different angle. They wanted to know: what happens when touch isn’t well-intentioned?
“What’s new about our work isn’t just in identifying problematic uses of touch, it’s linking those behaviors to the type of person who is inclined to use them on a romantic partner.”
The researchers asked participants about their comfort with being touched, whether they would physically move away to avoid contact, and crucially, whether they used touch in ways that benefited themselves rather than their partner. The answers painted a stark picture. People with dark triad traits weren’t just uncomfortable with intimacy. They weaponized it.
The manipulation works because touch is powerful. It triggers biological responses we can’t easily control. When someone with manipulative tendencies understands that, they can deploy physical affection strategically: a hand on the shoulder to defuse an argument they started, a hug to extract forgiveness they haven’t earned, or a caress to distract from a conversation they want to avoid.
Gender Plays a Complicated Role
The study found distinct patterns between men and women. Men who felt anxious about their relationship status were more likely to use touch to seek reassurance, essentially using physical contact to soothe their own insecurities rather than to comfort their partner. Men who were uncomfortable with emotional closeness avoided being touched altogether, regardless of other personality factors.
Women with dark triad traits showed a different pattern. They were more uncomfortable receiving touch themselves but more willing to use it as a manipulation tactic. It’s a curious contradiction: rejecting the vulnerability of being touched while exploiting touch’s power over others.
“Not only are you not getting the benefits of touch in these relationships, but the flip side of that is that they are powerful, so they can actually be used in the service of oneself at the expense of the relationship partner.”
Mattson points out that individuals with high levels of dark triad traits tend to have short-term, turbulent romantic relationships. Sometimes these relationships involve violence. Yet researchers still don’t fully understand how these personality traits manifest in everyday relationship behaviors. Touch, it turns out, might be a key mechanism.
The core issue is an orientation that Mattson describes as “me, first, you, second.” When someone with this mindset approaches physical affection, they’re not thinking about mutual comfort or connection. They’re thinking about what they can extract from the interaction.
The research opens potential doors for clinical intervention. If therapists can identify people who use touch manipulatively or avoid it defensively, they might be able to teach healthier patterns. Touch is inexpensive, accessible, and when used genuinely, remarkably effective at reducing stress and building trust. The challenge is helping people unlearn harmful patterns and recognize when they’re being manipulated.
Perhaps the most unsettling takeaway is this: you can’t always trust your body’s response to touch. That oxytocin release, that feeling of comfort, it can happen even when the person initiating contact has selfish motives. The next time someone offers you a hug, it might be worth asking yourself: is this for me, or for them?
Current Psychology: 10.1007/s12144-025-08282-0
ScienceBlog.com has no paywalls, no sponsored content, and no agenda beyond getting the science right. Every story here is written to inform, not to impress an advertiser or push a point of view.
Good science journalism takes time — reading the papers, checking the claims, finding researchers who can put findings in context. We do that work because we think it matters.
If you find this site useful, consider supporting it with a donation. Even a few dollars a month helps keep the coverage independent and free for everyone.
That bit of advice at the end is toxic. In a world that is being actively designed to isolate us from one another, with disastrous consequences all around, we should be encouraging human contact at every opportunity not fueling general suspicion about motives relating to one of the most fundamental and powerful evolutionary and social mechanisms for healing and building trust that we know. You should be ashamed.